I finally met him

Well i have a texting friend. and we have been talking for a few months. and we finally met today. he was sweet ..we kissed and he wasn't very good at it(sorry) but it was awful..ill spare you all the details..but i felt horrible after cause you know in the last blog i wrote about how i finally told the guy i like that i liked him well even though he doesn't like me i still felt like i was betraying him even though we aren't together idk it was the strangest feeling ever!!! and now texting guy tells me he is in love with me and how he thinks I'm perfect and that I'm a 10 ..but I'm still stuck on the  other guy ..why cant i like the guy who says he "loves" me..instead of the player that I'm crazzyyy about!!! but i really sorta don't want to like the texting guy cause i don't like him at all!!! but he really likes me and when i was leaving he said that he wanted to me to stay with him forever..aah

i think he was a bit over dramatic cause we're both 16..and he wants to get with me after high school cause we live over an hour away from each other so that wouldn't really work out now..but jerky guy i tried to get over texted me again today it was a very bland conversation..but idk he makes me feel soo weird idk how to explain this feeling. I'm soo lost. he says he just wants fun now and we will see where this takes us..umm I'm thinking that will be no where...

l like you

6pm starts off with a hello
7 random talking
8 we have a normal pg rated conversation
9 still going good
10 texting gets slower
11 picture game(pg Rated)
12 it stops
12:50 around 1am picks up dirty talking but joking
2 its gets deep
2:21 i finally tell him again " i like you a lot"
2:23 he says" o so"
2:24 my life crumbling down
2:25 hes not ready for a relationship
2:25 i say" i know just wanted to tell you"
now as i crumble down to to tears
as the say always the friend never the girlfriend.
but i needed to know that. so that maybe i can move on
liked him for over a year now i still like him even though it makes me sad and hurts
but theres always a rainbow somewhere..right?
mine hasn't come yet but will
2:32 discovered that hes an asshole
but whats a girl to do?
and here i go again.
2:41 i start to tear up..but there not falling
he texts again insensitive asking for more dirty picture that i said no on
i realize hes not worth my tears
2:43 he says goodnight and calls me beautiful
I'm stuck and the tears fall

Good Morning/ Afternoon

well most of my Christmas break has been spent sleeping and just lounging in my pj's all day & watching TV..i think the 2 week break off dance was a bad idea. i feel incomplete with out 20hours of dance and school..well i don't really miss school, just the people in school. any whos, my days goes as: wake up its around 12am or 1pm wander around the empty house wondering what to do..i eventually settle for watching TV, after that i clean the house, then my sisters and parents finally come home make dinner, we have dinner, they sit and talk around the table for hours and while they chat i slip away and take a nap in my room, wake up the kitchens clean again and my family has scattered around the house, I'm up for a few hours and then i call it a day and go back to sleep.

my day is very predictable. well that's the life of me during vacation.

MERRYYYYYY

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!:) HOPE U HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!:)

Tale as old as Time:)

I love watching Disney movies:)  they inspire me to fall in love:) haha Disney is probably the cause of me being a hopeless romantic. oh well it gives me the hope that there might be a love out there somewhere like that in the world. and maybe i might find a love like that. so my friends say I'm a tie between Jasmine from Aladdin and Belle from Beauty and the Beast..when i was little all i dreamed about and finding my prince charming and living happily ever after, then as i got older the dream never died it just got more realistic. get married hope the guy isn't a jerk and that we don't divorce. well i hope i find the guy of my dreams soon

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU

remember the boy I'm trying to get over..well its not working. i spend most of my time trying not to think about him. its so frustrating! it just makes me want to cry because i know i will never be able to be with him even though i want to be with him so bad! for a little while I'm fine and life's great and then i think about him and i want him to like me so bad and i get depressed because he wont ever like me. i remember the day i told him i liked him.. he said he liked me back. but i think it was one of those things where you say it back so that you don't hurt the other persons feelings. right now writing about him I'm trying to hold back the tears and yet he still makes me smile from past memories i have with him just goofing around. my friends tell me to get over him because of the stupid stuff he put me through..but even through that i still like him a lot. idk what to do anymore I'm done trying not to like him, but done trying to get him to like me. and my other friend likes him and she knows that I've like him forever and yet she still flirts with him in front of me and she wore his jacket last week and i wanted to but into tears there at school. i don't know what to do. he'll probably end up falling for her.
i just like him so much its sad to say I've liked him for 2 years now and yet liking him has made me happy yet sad..

Boy

the guy in trying to get over is in one of my classes now:/ i like him soo much uuurrrggghhh! and this other guy actually likes me and cares about me and why cant  i fall for the guys who like me instead of the guys who use me..:/

Dear friend my secret dreams

Hello dear old friend..the one who listens to the sorrows of my life, the one who never talks back, and the one who can never stop listening. well life's just wonderful right about now. living off a few hours of sleep dancing the rest of the time and now they put me in this modeling thing. dear friend, i do want my sleep back and some energy to stay awake and focused in my classes so i don't fail the 10th grade and i do want time to do what i love to. my fingers are frozen right now..its a bit hard to type. have you ever wanted something soo bad and it feels like its the most impossible thing in the world..yeah that's how i feel right about now. okay friend ill let you in on my dreams. become a wonderful dancer and get famous and maybe star in a few films get well known get married have a family and live happily ever after. haha..if only life were so simple. oh well i can dream and work hard for it. fate will decide on whats best for me if i make it or stay a small town girl that's unknown to everyone else.

12 hours

had 12 hours of dance today..wasn't that bad..thought it would be worse but it was really fun:) ha ha..i think i need to sleep more. but i don't think i will. have dance for 4 hours tomorrow..hum..my life.. school, dance, eat, homework, and maybe sleep and maybe be able to go out with friends if i don't have rehearsal..lol

Get outta ur mind

currently have that song stuck in my head and the dance to that song. other then that..i have decided that I'm just gonna forget about that one guy and try and move on as best as i can and well hes a jerk and i don't need him anymore..right?
urgh..don't want to go to dance in a few hours..i have it from 9am to 9:30pm blah..my head wants to explode! i feel like I'm running ragged. and I'm tired of texting boys with dirty thoughts!!! Ive been texting them too long when am i going to actually have a real conversation with a guy i like again and not one that involves dirty stuff..humm..well whats a girl to do?..idk but this Fridays the last football game:( they were fun while they lasted.

Lucky

All of u who have read my blogs might have already figured out that I'm obsessed with Glee:) well u know how they have Sam on the show now..well he looks and reminds me of the guy i like and when him and Quinn sing lucky idk.. i always feel sad and wish that could be me and the guy i like..lets rewind a bit..Ive liked this guy for about a year now and well the first while he was the guy everyone wants to date and no one can figure out why he doesn't date..so a few months fly be and we text every now and then and when summer came we started texting a lot! and well we would flirt...and then i finally told him that i liked him and he told me that he liked me too and once he said that i was sooo HAPPY..well problem is he was away for summer so we couldn't date and well we still text and all..and when school got here he stopped talking to me and then he started texting my friend( i might have already told you about this but i cant remember)  well for a little while i was a bit depressed because my friend knows how much i like him and yet she would still do that to me and i wouldn't be mad if they were talking just as friends but u know how it is they sextext all the time and then after a week he got tired of her and then started ignoring her:) and well now he is gonna talking to this one girl just for... and well its now when i look at him i feel like busting into tears or i get sad when i see them together and but now hes actually been starting to talk to me again and well Ive been really happy but unsure of what to do because he hurt me before but i like him soo much and now everytime i hear that song I'm reminded of him..

All Hollows Eve

Well Halloween is almost here..let me make a prediction on how this Halloween will be...BORING! hum i need something more outta life..i feel like I'm dying and i need to get out and away to breath and relax and just come back to myself. have you ever felt alone around a crowd of people? yeah i have been feeling that a lot lately..ha ha..who ever is reading this is probably tinking that I'm too self consumed or get a life or no one cares..lol..hum but this is the way i vent. well it was nice to vent again. but i need to get back to reality and start homework:/ well off for now..bye

boys boys are soo much hotter in the summer

hum listening to that song reminds me of my summer..oh how i wish that i can go back..where everything was easy and not so complicated and it was fun. lets revisit my summer..danced mostly all of it. went to the fair meet some cowboys:) what can i say is that he was really really hot!!:) but a complete jerk!! he kissed me:)..found out later cowboy has a girlfriend.:/..well at least my first kiss will always be memorable..right?..hum..i think i like the song story better then how my summer went.  well theres always next summer for a summer romance:)

Life of the average me: an average day

Life of the average me: an average day: "Hello again, well in the day of the life of me today..woke up feeling a bit less sick then yesterday. got up with the hope of seeing that on..."

an average day

Hello again,
well in the day of the life of me today..woke up feeling a bit less sick then yesterday. got up with the hope of seeing that one guy today:) skiped 1st period, went to second was it went okay, 3rd period was fun talked lots didnt do much work..lol;) during passing i saw him:):):) went to 4th was a bore. 5th took a test and drew on my friends hand. went home and spaced out did homework and now talking to you about my day. humm well all i have to say now is.GOODNIGHT:)

Another Pregnant Girl

Well just found out that one of my friends is pregnant. well here is the story..the guy=Y. pregnant girl=PG, my friend=X
X was texting Y and he was being all flirty and saying that he liked her and was asking her for stuff and well she didn't give him what he wanted because she didn't like him and then Y said that he was going to take a "brake" off girls. and so me and X go to the football game last Friday and we hang out with PG and idk how thiscame up but she told us that she slept with Y, during the time he was taking a "brake" off girls and well this week she found out that she was pregnant. and well he didn't take this it well and said some awful things and well today being Friday and a football game night she wore this t-shirt saing "Daddy" and his number. letsjust say things are messy
and then after finding this out Friend Xwas saying how she was actually starting to like him cause of his "sweet talking"and what surprises me is that friend Xknows the guy that i like and she was giving  the guy i like what he wanted and not Y when she liked Y..well it just hurts you know..
oh.P.S. were all in the 10th grade

well other then that life's great being celibate &dancing:) calculated total hours of dance last week and i danced 33 hours:)..my body still hurts and hates me..lol..but dance helps me forget everything and makes life good again:) hum I'm really tired. it almost 3am and gonna wake up in a few hours to go to dance class and a full day of dance rehearsal:) well filling you in on my life..not very interesting..lol..well night:)

Each morning I wake up and die a little

Its 1:35am watching Glee:) i love how it makes me believe that anythings possible and i can go and accomplish my dreams. even thought i feel like all is lost. its the little things that happen in life make u think that maybe it will turn out alright. My body is tired i dance over 23 hours a week and school and life..i feel so stressed. and but i want to be a dancer and since i started dancing late. I'm willing to give up my life so i can at least have a shot at becoming a dancer. but it feels like I'm getting worse in dance..i try and push through the pain and tiredness of my body has but its just getting to a point where i just want one day off everything and i can sleep and not worry about getting yelled at for not cleaning or for being lost. but Glee is my escape from worries and life. it may sound odd..but its true. it makes me believe.. maybe i can be a dancer:) but I'm going to work myself so i can reach my goal:) oh
p.s. i won the award of most improved and consistent dancer for last year and they told me on Wed and gave me this really nice ballet book:):)

hummm...

dance class and star gazing it a good way to forget my sorrow's..i dont know where i went wrong in life but everything was good and then suddenly something happened.. i don't know what happened that made this odd change. i know I've changed for the worst but i want to go back and redo things..make a better difference!

Sweet 16:)

So my party was last night..and at first it was boring ..then it got hecka crazy when the Dj got there...hum:) i ♥ my crazzy friends:) we started dancing and then there was a pole so of  course being us we started pole dancing:) Then i got my birthday lap dances:) haha never in my life would i think id get lap dances from the people who gave em to me..haha..then my cake:) i loved my cake it was a 3 tear hot pink and black stars:) haha..this was a really good night:) i was a little sad that a guy i wanted to come didnt..but my friends made me forget and it was a fun night:) humm..sooo much fun:):):):):):)

can anybody find me somebody

Well, bored, at home singing along to the Glee "Somebody to love" and of course me thinking of a boy at the same time..I'm a hopeless romantic what can i say.(changing the subject) So i found out that its the 4th week of school and I'm almost failing all my classes:/ its not that i don't care about school..i do care about it, its just that my dance schedule is a bit hectic with dancing 19 hours a week..and getting home late and tired and doing homework at 10 or 11 going to sleep at 2 waking up at 6 to repeat the cycle can cause mental and physical damage to a teenage girl. well I'm half asleep during most of my school classes and at dance i push myself to my limit so i can improve and my body is screaming for some rest. but i love dance and its a passion and its worth it..but i just want like 1 good nights rest..well I'm going to take like a 30 min nap before ballet..night

its a new day:)

went to disneyland and california adventures this weekened with some friends:) it was amazing! went friday came back monday at 2am woke up at 6 to go to school:/ ive felt like a zombie all day..simple things in life that make it worth while:) i love them:) humm..i need sleep havent slept much cause of school, dance, and going out of town every weekened..night:)

Birthday weekened

Well so much for a birthday weekened. went to LA to visit family it was okay went. well my birthdays tomorrow and well i have a feeling that no ones going to remember. typically im the one who remembers everyones bday and do something special for then. but i dont think that they will remember mine. and idk why i feel like im on the verg of tears when i think about my birthday. im only going to be 16. but i just have that forgotten feeling u know. well al least i have a blog to vent to right?.right?

Ive just seen a face

it happened today:)..ive had this texting buddy for a while now and he lives in a different town and he gose to a differnt high school..so my friends invited me to go to a HS football game where he goes and well as i sat  in my seat my friend says look thats the guy uve been texting( we never sent any pictures to each other but he has seen me from another friend showing him a picture of me) and well ive sorta liked him while weve been texting and now seeing him it just make me like him more:)) and i wanted to go talk to him but u know when u get that nervous feeling and you dont go..yeah i had that feeling..but know yeah:) but its one of thoes things were you know nothings going to happen..well a girl can only hope:)

Love?

Is it real or not? As a little girl I grew up watching these fairy tales of love( I'm sure mostly all of you know which fairy tales I'm talking about) the ones where prince charming  comes saves the day falls in love with a girl and they live happily ever after...well I guess you could say throughout most of my childhood I believed that one day that my prince charming would come along...several years pass by i date and date and currently in high school realizing that maybe love isn't real..I've never experienced "love" first hand. but I've always had some hope that it would be real. is there anyone out there who has falling in love and it has lasted though thick and thin? if so can u tell me your love stories?
If your wondering why Im writing about love this evening it is because I've sorta started liking this guy:) and that led me to think about all my past relationships and none of them were functional and  Im a teenager and of course nothing in high school really lasts except for the very few that do..and observing my family members and there love life's and  none of them seem to be truly in "love"..so that's how it came into my mind..is love real or is it all lust?

The Wedding(slutty outfit)

AHH:) Finaly i had a good night:) the wedding was soo much fun! i wore the outfit that my mother picked for me..got noticed alot, but it was horrible for gettin low while dancin. Me and  my friend (the guy that my friends all went out with and are fighting cause of) danced all night soo much fun! and haha:)..well for the first time i took a risk and gave my number to this guy that i thought was cute and well lets see what happens..not really wanting another relationship just wanting some fun..im only young once right..why not have fun:) oh well lets see how this one turns out to be. but..oh:) tonight was soo much fun:)

Getting Ready(Sluty Style)

Well as i get ready for the wedding, my mom picks out one of the sluttiest dresses for me to wear with my sisters hooker heels( my sister isn't a hooker)..tells me my hair needs to be straigthened more then it is, tells me i need to wear make up(i dont wear any usually) ahh i think she wants me to get a boyfriend tonight:/..im sick and tierd of dating after having soo many boyfriends already, u get tired of it!!!! well lets see how the wedding is tonight.

To my surprise

Remember how i said that i doubt anything interesting would happen at the HS football game..guess what! i was completly right! At least they won the game..if not my night would have been boring like all the others. humm..well today plans for today: WEDDING!!! i really like going to them. haha:)

Same conversations

Finally! the first week of school is over!!!! well yesterday went to school, after school took a 4 hour drive to San Francisco to watch the 49er game and came back home at 2 am woke up at 6am to do homework went to school and it was the same thing! Friends gossiping about this girl sleeping with him and..blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..tired of it! everyday is meshing together. need something interseting to happen. maybe something fun might happen tonight at the HS football game( doubt it)..well my rides here now..i guess i should probably stop typing.

1st blog:)

Summers vacations over. Its the 3rd day of school and its horrible. 1st day back to school get stung by a bee and watched my finger blow up into a blimp and the rest of the day was a blur. 2nd day was uneventfull dicovered that i have some pretty interesting teachers and that its too stressful to try and hang out with all of ur friends when there all hating each other cause of a stupid boy they all went out with. Today was practically the same as all the others go to class stare at the clock and wish for the time to go by faster and  and see ur friends talk about the same boring things we did last week or the same topic that we always talk about(boys.. whos dating who, whos sleeping with who...etc)  its funny that we get these werid mood swings about school..we cant wait till summer vacation and when it gets here we miss school and sorta wanna go back but not really and whens schools back we cant wait to get out again...humm...silly right?..well currently wishing for a time machine to go back to this summer when things were fun and new and more welcoming. well thats all i have to say for today..